Thursday, February 26, 2015

War of Mind

So people say there are two life crisis everyone will face in their life. Guess I’m about to entering the first one. This year soon, I’m turning 27. Call me a drama queen or whatever you want, but honestly these time, few things that wasn’t really in my thought, are now actually (kinda) burning in my head. You know, things about love, life, money, works, all in all, about future (read: settling down life period).

I’ve been talking to several close friends about this, my constant thinking about overdue life goals and love journey- you know, marriage and stuff. Few of them are actually older than me, not yet settle down, and they’re facing the same mind-war, so I call it. 

I know, 27 is kinda early to have this war. I didn’t say I’m in one already, but I’m entering the phase I guess. Since I was in Junior high, I must say marriage to me is so very very very very very utterly a big thing. A bit scared of it actually. So I never think about marriage until I will reach, I don’t know, 29 or 30 maybe. Marriage, kids, having my own family, were never in my head all these time. Until now. Well, tell you the truth now I’m still scared of the idea of marriage itself and am not ready for the next 3 to 4 years. 

Seeing (almost) all my high school friends already with their 2 yo children, it kinda makes me a bit envy. Envying that grand idea of ‘settling down’. They seem so happy with their settled life by having and raising their own family, while me, still having fun doing things I wanna do, use all my money for whatever I want to. No boundaries. But wait, it seems quite perfect if I wrote it that way huh?

Job or work-wise, you don’t wanna know. Coz I could write the whole magazine if I put it here. This actually the biggest pie if I ever draw a chart to explain this mind-war concept of mine into a presentation. (sorry can’t really tell you all)

So this is my current war of mind. Tugging and pulling between continuing having the time of my life with all my ego, and the ‘its time to settle down’ deadline approaching.

Knowing that I’m not alone, that most of my girl friends are actually having this life phase, I was recommended to watch a movie titled Lola Versus. All I know, you, most of my readers are actually way younger than me, and my advice, do what I did when I was you age: always seize the day and don’t think for more than two seconds about your settling down period. Coz there will be time, as about I am right now, that you will think about that most of the time. Then welcome to the war.

Oh back again to the movie. So I watched it and you guys should really watch it too. It has no conclusion just like my writing right here. Why? Well because I’m still living my life. If I write the concluded ending now, then I must be so old or dead by now (a ghost blogger, gee scary!). 

All I know now, I won’t let my thoughts about future ruins my now, my presents. Yes, I will think about my future, but I will not sweat over it.

Until next post, toodles-doodles!